Home > abandonment, Outer Child > Trying to Take Back Control of your Life?

Trying to Take Back Control of your Life?

So many people are in relationships where they have given their power away.

Two Scenarios:

One: You’ve been abandoned and you’ve given all of your power to the abandoner. Your life rests on whether they call, whether they don’t call. You impotently wait and hope for them to come back, because only their return can take your pain away. Why? Because you have given them your power. One person put it this way: “My abandoner walked away with all of the gold. I need to get it back.”

Two: You’re current relationship doesn’t feel mutual. Your partner tends to withhold love, putting you in the “emotional beggar” role. You walk around starving in emotional hunger, desperately needing a love-fix, groveling for crumbs of attention. The sun rises or sets depending on whether today you are treated you lovingly or not. Why? You have invested all of your power in your partner and you’ve become impotent.

The antidote: Take back control of your life. Regain your power. Invest in yourself. Claim your gold.

But how? This seems “more easily said than done.” But that’s because you might not know where to start, or what to do to make it happen. First, you need to know it is doable. Second, you must learn to to become a separate person.

Being a separate person doesn’t mean you have to be single, alone, or in a state of break-up. It means taking 100 percent responsibility for your own emotional well-being and stop laying your emotional needs at the feet of your partner.

If things are going well and you trust your partner, it is okay to count on them to satisfy your needs to feel loved, special, and important. It is okay to look to them for a sense of belonging and security.

But if things are not going well, then you get to practice learning to stand on your own two feet – and I mean emotionally. Learn to look to yourself rather than your partner to make yourself feel secure. It means work. It means taking complete responsibility.

It involves taking actions that are on your own behalf. Take strides in your own life. You might begin with a small step. For example, depending upon your interests, go to the library and take out a book with beautiful photographs or paintings or travel pictures and study it intently. Do this in the presence of your partner. Your focus is not on them, but on your own interests. You are taking responsibility for yourself.

You have to keep making these efforts larger and larger, until you transform into a self-assured person who can command your own power and sustain your own supply of gold.

Usually, this transformation completely changes the dynamics of your relationship, but even if your partner continues to neglect you, it elevates your life where you need it to be.

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